Still in service to him…

Following his lead.

Early morning wake ups.
Gentle smiles.
Hitting his head on my walls.
Helping him regulate.
Teaching him to use his body well.
Being calm for him so he can find his calm.
Waiting for the anxiety to pass. For the moment to remove his helmet that protects him.
Reminding him that he is safe with me. He is safe here in this life. That I have him. I got you kiddo, with your complex body, with your deep soul.

We got this.

Go deeper. Listen more.

You’ve got this. Step forward with courage into the unknown of your life. It all awaits you.

Trust.

The sun will shine. The flowers will bloom. And so will your peace.

This is what he teaches me as I follow him.

I’m in service to his light and his smile. Today I celebrate the abundance of both after climbing our way through a tunnel of crisis and self injury.

I’m ever grateful for the resiliency of his soul and my ability to meet him in the present moment… when it matters most… when we can’t see the light but for the darkness around us. Believing that the light is always present even when I can’t see it anchors me and guides me through.

And now here we are through to the other side. Pain to smiles.

I stay present, releasing the stress of the past and not grasping to the hope the ease will stay for a long time.

Simply present and appreciating.

Don’t take for granted your life. Cherish each small moment, whether challenging or blissful they are a gift.

Your life is for you not against you.

May you feel your light and your strength when you need it most.

With love,

Aura and Jax

These are the moments that I cherish. When the self injury abates, when he finds ease in his body..

… when I feel his heart peaceful and happy.

When his smile beams for all to feel.

He is a wise soul in ALL of his moments.

I love him no less in the moments when I’m blocking his hits to his head or his face. Or when he pulls my hair and hits me in his stress.

In those moments he needs my love and acceptance even more. In those moments when his body is overcome with a feeling he can’t control and it betrays his desire for it to feel safe.

It’s moments when people who don’t know him close up to him, pretend not to see him and feel unsure how to be around him. Their hesitancy only increase his unease.

In these radiant, beaming smile moments he gives a feeling that opens everyone.

People lean in more. They smile in return.

These are the moments that I know society accepts him and sees him in. We see what makes us feel ok. We want everything ok.

What would it be like if he was accepted and seen in his darkest hours too? Not just by me but by all.

What would it be like if we all were? What if we embraced that everything is not always ok.. and that in and of itself, is ok to lean into?

What if instead of being rejected and shut out when we are struggling, we are instead met?

Not by someone feeling sorry for us, or fixing us, or changing us… just simply witnessing us, acknowledging the experience of another.

Open… even if it’s uncomfortable.

ESPECIALLY if it’s uncomfortable.

I believe we all desire to be seen and accepted.

And that is our mission here.

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your struggle, we see you.

You are not rejected in your lowest moments here. We remain open to you.

Welcome home, fellow traveller on this path. The invitation is to extend that same kindness of compassionate witnessing to not just someone you know…. Someone you don’t know. Today. let it ripple outward and onward.

The joy on his face from hearing our sounds echo back and forth.

His focus on the sensation of the pokey blades of grass on his hand as he dances his palm up and down creating rhythm like the earth is making music for him.

The blanket covering his head and ears so the wind and sound sensations can be manageable to his body.

This is Jax immersed in the present moment of all the sensations around us. The ones we don’t even realize we overlook, we speed past in our constant hurry and ignore as we glaze out to our phones.

He misses nothing.

People see him and think he misses everything, but in truth, they are the ones missing it all.

There is a world of sensation and experience happening around us ALL the time. Most of us spend our days completely disconnected to what our bodies are feeling, sensing and alerting us to.

This is the wonder of my son.

The magic he brings back into our lives if people would but only notice him, us.. and themselves.

His body doesn’t let him ignore anything going on around him. He is in a constant sensory experience more vivid, and often more painful, than we can even imagine.

He is our reminder to take nothing for granted.

To slow down.

To appreciate.

To commune with everything.

I join him and pause to feel the grass like that on my hand while we echo sounds together. It brings me back to my childhood. I know I did this too. When did I stop? It feels good. Calming, regulating. I have to force my mind not to think of all the things I “should” be doing.

He asks me to be fully present with him just by his needs and his presence.

Right now there is nothing more important than the dance of the grass, the wind, our sounds and his smile.. together.

These moments with him I cherish. I never want them to rush past. What is true is we don’t know what is on the other side of this next moment for him. It might be bliss or it could be very hard.

For now, I appreciate now.

Now is it!

Stay present.

Be with what is. Love what is.

Get on the ground. Dance with blades of grass. Make some sounds. Smile. Immerse yourself in the present moment.

With love,


Aura and Jax